6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
