Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
