from now on my penis is your penis
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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