i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize