Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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