My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
