You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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