i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
