Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
