Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
