Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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