R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
