He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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