saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
