also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
