i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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