If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
