yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
