YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
All I want is dick and wine.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
