I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
