You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
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