I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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