Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
