dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
