he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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