I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
sex in a hospital.. check
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
