So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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