I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i just google imaged poop.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
