hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I wish you could order shots online.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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