i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
