I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
