You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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