there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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