Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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