Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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