WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
