After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
