i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
