Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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