Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
