wakey wakey hands off snakey
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
