dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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