girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Randomize
