I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
