you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
