Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
