they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
We need a shit load of segways right now
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
