I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize