party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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