We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
