yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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