You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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