i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
