You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
