hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
