he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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