Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
