Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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