So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize
