i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize