Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Randomize
