I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
