I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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