I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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