So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
