Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
