things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i barfeds in our rink
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
