tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Randomize
