I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
