Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize