Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
